Sometimes I don't understand my parents. I know they love me and treat me well. I'm not ungrateful. But sometimes it feels like they don't care about me at all.

They buy expensive gadgets, clothes and shoes. Only Wang Anqi, Chang Xiao and I have computers at home. Those two had to beg; mine spent over ten thousand yuan without blinking. Yet they don't care what I do on it. When I talk about coding or the club, they nod absently. Mention a competition, though, and suddenly they're asking how to enter.

It's always been like that. Only a perfect test score gets their attention. Otherwise it's endless calls, clients and reports. I'm invisible. Saturday family days went from road trips to a walk downstairs, and now nobody mentions them at all.

Yesterday I showed Dad a phone advertisement and asked for one. He refused: my exam result was too poor. Ridiculous. I only missed first place. Is coming second so shameful?

I said club already meant missing lessons. Then I started talking about my friends and the fun things we did. Dad never looked up from his papers. Halfway through, he interrupted: "If it's affecting your grades, can't you quit?"

"Wait until the competition is over, then quit."

Mum's voice came from outside. In that moment, everything I'd said might as well have been nothing. Nobody was listening.

I'd talked for ages about things I loved. Not even a glance. All they care about is stupid grades.

I stormed off and shut myself in my room. As usual, nobody cared. They kept talking about the company. Then the TV came on.

Usually I sit on my bed until I feel better. Today I picked up my Stitch plush and cut off a leg with scissors. Somehow, I felt better.Stuffing spilled out. Looking at the toy I'd slept with since childhood, I remembered Mum buying it at Disneyland. She asked whether I liked it, but I'd wanted a different bear. She'd already paid. They never really saw me at all.

I didn't push him. He fell by himself. It wasn't my fault. Gravity. Just gravity. My parents looked exhausted and helpless when I said that, then left my room.

"What a disappointment. We've failed as parents," they said.

Disappointed again? Why? Haven't I made them happy? I got full marks. I won an award.

They ignore me when I'm not first. But this time I was. What's wrong?

I know. It's all Chen Yang's fault. Why was he so fragile??? Why did he have to jump?!

I heard boring commercials and Dad laughing on the phone. But outside my room, my parents weren't there. Someone sat on the expensive leather sofa. The window behind it was open. The sky was gray-yellow, like Chang Xiao's pictures.

I went closer. It was Chen Yang.

He had no head. His lower legs were broken. Not white bone, but black wires, rusty bearings and hydraulic tubes stuck out of the flesh, like my prizewinning machine. Headless Chen Yang was speaking in Dad's voice.

"Li Heng, hurry up. The competition is nearly here. Where's your project?" Chen Yang said in Dad's voice.

"It's going to cost so much money. What do we do?" Mum's voice this time, bubbling.

Suddenly white stuffing poured from his empty neck and broken legs, burying me like snow. I couldn't breathe. I was suffocating.

"You're useless! Why couldn't you swallow it like me and bring home a perfect score? Why did you jump? You've ruined my bright future! Everyone will be disappointed in me! You selfish pile of scrap!"

I started screaming.

Full marks. Yes. I have to get full marks. If I pretend nothing happened, if I keep getting perfect scores, they won't arrest me. The principal will still give me certificates.

But something outside the window keeps watching. Chen Yang's broken eye? No, a computer room monitor. My own code is racing across its black screen.

if (ChenYang.isDead) { LiHeng.isPerfect = true; }

No. Compilation error. Why is there an error?

I'm sorry. Chen Yang, I'm sorry. I never wanted you dead. I only wanted to vent. You insulted me. How could I face the class? If you'd apologized or begged, it would have been over. Why did you keep denying it? I wouldn't really have hurt you. We were friends, weren't we? I'm not that bad. I gave you snacks. I knew your family was poor. I paid for you to go online. Remember?

Will you forgive me? You insulted me first, but I'll still apologize. I was wrong. I'm sorry. Could you not die? Come back. Please.

Dad, Mum, save me. I know you'll settle this, but when will you save me? I'm such a perfect student, such an excellent son. Isn't that enough? Look at me.

School tomorrow. Yes. A clean uniform, that white eraser, and a smile to help the shy children open up.

I'm a model student.